I haven't written in a while, not because I haven't had anything to say, but mainly because I haven't felt like putting it down in my blog.
Now, I have something I want to say, but I don't know how to say it.
I love my wife and kids. They are the most important thing to me. I've always thought that what I did was in their best interest. Now, I'm not so sure that is what's happened.
I love my daughter so much that it's gotten to the point where I feel I can't give her anything she deserves anymore and as adult she now makes her own decisions. I feel I can't provide her with what I hoped I would be able to.
I love my son so much that it hurts whenever I think of anything happening to him or of him suffering in any way.
I love my wife so much ... that I can't find a way of expressing it to her. I want her to be happy. I want her to know how I feel about her and that I've always been in love with her, but simply telling her isn't good enough.
She's always has told me "Actions speak louder than words" and I haven't acted. My actions have always turned out to be the stupidest thing that I could possibly think of. And that wasn't my intent! I REALLY thought that what I was doing was "ok" and it could be explained away. That it would get fixed. I live in a fantasy world where I can dream up the solution to my relationship problems. I always dream that things work out. It never does.
So now I'm stuck. I love my wife so much, but I don't know how to tell her and I don't know what to do.
Any suggestions?
-P
